Long week

It has been a long and emotional week. Didn't eat well, didn't exercise, didn't do anything I should have. I will post again later!

Self Esteem

I love my husband more than words can describe, but lately it seems like we are drifting apart. I don't know why, but I know Its killing my self esteem. Sexy time is like a fond memory, and I opened facebook today to be slapped in the face with pictures of his ex gf who is at least 80 times hotter and thinner than me. She also happens to be the first girl he ever slept with. Then to top it all off, the last week he has been over at the neighbors until like 2 am at least 3 times. I trust him, and I know he is faithful, but it KILLS me that I am second best to a game of cards and facebook pictures. All I can think is that if I were thinner he would want me again, or if I was more fit I could distract him with some crazy new move that would make me more interesting than a game of cards. I'm completely distraught. UGGGGGGGGGGG!

Work, Food, and my vice

So, I'm at work. I will be here until 2 am. I will be BACK here at 11 am. I am trying to stay within my allowed calories and such, but a day when I am up at 9 am and in back in bed by 9 or 10 pm can't be the same as a day when I'm up at 9 am then up until about 4 am...so I don't know how much I can eat...I also don't know what I can eat. I don't have a cooler lunch box and both the fridge and microwave are broken at work. My breaks are too short to drive home eat then get back in time. My lunch isn't until 10pm either, so the only places open are fast food. My typical lunch during a work day is a jack in the box egg roll, a 3 piece jalepeno popper, and 3 fried mozzarella sticks. Not exactly healthy. So this is what I'm doing tonight (hopefully I can figure something better out tomorrow) I will do my jack in the box run, but I will get a grilled chicken pita without cheese and easy sauce and a large water instead. Normally the pita is 360 cal. so its not to bad especially modified.

So. Before work I had a massive breakdown and spent about an hour bawling my eyes out. Normally when I get upset I either eat spaghetti or go to starbucks. I love Starbucks. In fact, I love it so much I have a modified version of the original Starbucks siren tattooed between my shoulder blades...Anyway, normally after I stopped crying enough to drive and not be a danger to others on the road, I go to starbucks and get an iced Vinte Caramel macciato with 5 shots of espresso with extra caramel syrup and extra caramel sauce. I don't even want to imagine how many calories are in it. Today, I got an iced tall non fat chai late. Only 160 cal and I still got my fix! I know Its not as good as not going but baby steps right!?!?

I'm off. Gotta make that $$! (Even if I currently despise every aspect of my current job...more on this later.)

I went!

I had a super lazy day until hubby got back from class, then we went to the gym. 15 min. on the elliptical then various strength training exercises, then a 15 min walk around the pond by our house...Lunch was a veggie wrap with balsamic dressing, and dinner was a tuna sandwich on 7 grain bread with yellow mustard red bell peppers, half a pickle and a bunch of lettuce. I'm done for the day. I think im going to let Hubby have the compy for a while. I am going to go have a bath and sip on some chocolate soy milk while I read a book : )

Lack of motivation

Technically today is an "off day" in terms of exercise, but I work crappy shifts this weekend (friday until 2am, back at work by 11am on saturday then 3-midnight on sunday) so I know It will be a miracle if I can force myself into the gym over the weekend...I NEED to go today. I absolutely 100% MUST go...so why can't I unwrap myself from my blanket and put my gym clothes on?

good day gone bad...gone good?

So I just realized that I made the goal I set this morning! I drank 9 glasses of water today (that's 72 oz people!) WAAAAAY better than the 2-3 glasses I usually drink. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it was enough to turn my frown upside down! Does anyone else get this crazy emotional (as in worse than PMS) when they start a new eating plan (good or bad)? I think it may be part of the reason that I fall off the band wagon all the time. Not this time though. I refuse.

Good day gone bad

UGGGG!!! so I was having a great day, until I just realized that I cant find my debit card and have no gas, so I cant even go visit my brother before he leaves for college in freaking Canada!!! : ( I am soooooo upset right now! I seriously want to make a giant plate of spaghetti (giant as in 3 times a "normal" serving size) and pout. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Why is it that every time I am having a "good day" everything gets ruined! Like I havent had an actual "good" day in...well, lets just say I cant remember my last "good day" something ALWAYS comes up.



I wont eat my spaghetti though. Im going to have a buffalo turkey and bleu cheese wrap instead.

So far so good

Yesterday I was lazy, I ate properly, but I didn't work out at all. This morning I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed and headed straight to the apartments work out center (after brushing my teeth of course). I did 6.5 miles on the stationary bike, and felt amazing after. When I got back I made breakfast for hubby and I. we had (split between my hubby and I) 3 scrambled eggs mixed with 1/2 of a bell pepper, 1/4 cup red onion, and 1 cup of mushrooms topped with a 1/4 cup reduced fat mozzarella cheese each, and one 8oz glass of SILK chocolate soy milk (my guilty pleasure). I found a cool (free) app for my BlackBerry called SparkPeople Tracker. It directed me to the SparkPeople website and so far Im very pleased!!! You should take a look!!! Today my goal is to drink a decent amount of water. Yesterday I drank MAYBE 3 glasses. Unacceptable. I may post later with lunch and dinner breakdowns!!!

ummmm CRAZY

So, I'm sitting here minding my own business, when all of a sudden there were two crazy loud booms that sounded like an explosion...They rattled all the buildings in my apartment complex...but nobody can figure out what it was. No fire, no smoke, no calls for help...We are baffled. Update: it was a sonic boom caused by two jets flying at top speed

Anywho, numbers...Tuesdays are going to be my weigh in day. So, here it goes!

Weight: 220.6
chest:45
waist:36.75
hips:45.5
thigh:27
arm:13.5

SO from the last time I checked numbers that puts me at :
weight:-1.2
chest:+0.5
waist:-1.75
hips:-0.75
thigh:-0.5
arm:-0.5

total loss = 1.2 lbs, and 3 in.

hmmmm...now lets see if i can do this again, but instead of taking 5 months, Im going to try for 5 days! : P

I think that I should make some goals. I didn't have any last time, and its obvious how well that worked for me. So, my weekly goal is to lose 1.5-2 lbs a week until I hit my goal weight of 150. That is still on the high range of "normal" for my height (5'7)but I love curves, and so does hubby...he thought I had the perfect body when we got married, and I was 165-170 then, but "normal" is my overall goal. If I work my tush off (literally) and make my weekly goal I can be down to my goal weight by next April!!! That doesn't seem so far away...now for a rewards system...

10 lbs by Sept.21= new pair of running shoes

Enter onederland by Nov. 2= new sexy time outfit AND book a hotel room for a romantic anniversary weekend at the end of the month! 3 years with the man of my dreams!!! After Nov 2nd = one or the other

every 10 lbs after onderland, not including 50 60 and 70 lbs= new book!!! <3

Not to GAIN any weight the weeks of thanksgiving or x-mas= new outfit! one for each holiday

50 lbs down by Feb. 8= Valentines day at the family cabin in the San Juans!!!

60 lbs by my 22nd birthday(March 14th) = tickets to Teatro ZinZanni!!!!!!! (perhaps in San Fransisco instead of Seattle If I can convince the hubby!)

Goal weight 150 (70.6 lbs lost)= SHOPPING SPREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure I will add more "personal achievement" goals as I progress, but I think this is a good start.

Starting over.....Again

So, It has been a minute. I fell off the wagon, again. last week I went to dinner at my aunts house, and I felt like I looked pretty good, I was confident and happy and what not...but then I saw the pictures on Thursday. I wanted to cry! I don't feel that big, so it shocks me when I see it...but anyway. I'm back. Hubby and I have discovered a trail that winds around a pond in the woods by my house, its probably only a 1/2 mile loop, but its pretty. We have been waking up, going for a walk (with random jogging intervals) then coming home and doing the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. My bum is terribly sore right now, and I LOVE it : P I WILL KEEP IT UP!! I WILL! I'm not counting calories per say, but I am watching what I eat...lots of veggies, and no
"junk food"...Tonight we are trying an egg plant recipe that Jennifer over at Ex Hot Girl posted the other day. I will post numbers tomorrow!