Long week

It has been a long and emotional week. Didn't eat well, didn't exercise, didn't do anything I should have. I will post again later!

Self Esteem

I love my husband more than words can describe, but lately it seems like we are drifting apart. I don't know why, but I know Its killing my self esteem. Sexy time is like a fond memory, and I opened facebook today to be slapped in the face with pictures of his ex gf who is at least 80 times hotter and thinner than me. She also happens to be the first girl he ever slept with. Then to top it all off, the last week he has been over at the neighbors until like 2 am at least 3 times. I trust him, and I know he is faithful, but it KILLS me that I am second best to a game of cards and facebook pictures. All I can think is that if I were thinner he would want me again, or if I was more fit I could distract him with some crazy new move that would make me more interesting than a game of cards. I'm completely distraught. UGGGGGGGGGGG!

Work, Food, and my vice

So, I'm at work. I will be here until 2 am. I will be BACK here at 11 am. I am trying to stay within my allowed calories and such, but a day when I am up at 9 am and in back in bed by 9 or 10 pm can't be the same as a day when I'm up at 9 am then up until about 4 am...so I don't know how much I can eat...I also don't know what I can eat. I don't have a cooler lunch box and both the fridge and microwave are broken at work. My breaks are too short to drive home eat then get back in time. My lunch isn't until 10pm either, so the only places open are fast food. My typical lunch during a work day is a jack in the box egg roll, a 3 piece jalepeno popper, and 3 fried mozzarella sticks. Not exactly healthy. So this is what I'm doing tonight (hopefully I can figure something better out tomorrow) I will do my jack in the box run, but I will get a grilled chicken pita without cheese and easy sauce and a large water instead. Normally the pita is 360 cal. so its not to bad especially modified.

So. Before work I had a massive breakdown and spent about an hour bawling my eyes out. Normally when I get upset I either eat spaghetti or go to starbucks. I love Starbucks. In fact, I love it so much I have a modified version of the original Starbucks siren tattooed between my shoulder blades...Anyway, normally after I stopped crying enough to drive and not be a danger to others on the road, I go to starbucks and get an iced Vinte Caramel macciato with 5 shots of espresso with extra caramel syrup and extra caramel sauce. I don't even want to imagine how many calories are in it. Today, I got an iced tall non fat chai late. Only 160 cal and I still got my fix! I know Its not as good as not going but baby steps right!?!?

I'm off. Gotta make that $$! (Even if I currently despise every aspect of my current job...more on this later.)

I went!

I had a super lazy day until hubby got back from class, then we went to the gym. 15 min. on the elliptical then various strength training exercises, then a 15 min walk around the pond by our house...Lunch was a veggie wrap with balsamic dressing, and dinner was a tuna sandwich on 7 grain bread with yellow mustard red bell peppers, half a pickle and a bunch of lettuce. I'm done for the day. I think im going to let Hubby have the compy for a while. I am going to go have a bath and sip on some chocolate soy milk while I read a book : )

Lack of motivation

Technically today is an "off day" in terms of exercise, but I work crappy shifts this weekend (friday until 2am, back at work by 11am on saturday then 3-midnight on sunday) so I know It will be a miracle if I can force myself into the gym over the weekend...I NEED to go today. I absolutely 100% MUST go...so why can't I unwrap myself from my blanket and put my gym clothes on?

good day gone bad...gone good?

So I just realized that I made the goal I set this morning! I drank 9 glasses of water today (that's 72 oz people!) WAAAAAY better than the 2-3 glasses I usually drink. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it was enough to turn my frown upside down! Does anyone else get this crazy emotional (as in worse than PMS) when they start a new eating plan (good or bad)? I think it may be part of the reason that I fall off the band wagon all the time. Not this time though. I refuse.

Good day gone bad

UGGGG!!! so I was having a great day, until I just realized that I cant find my debit card and have no gas, so I cant even go visit my brother before he leaves for college in freaking Canada!!! : ( I am soooooo upset right now! I seriously want to make a giant plate of spaghetti (giant as in 3 times a "normal" serving size) and pout. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Why is it that every time I am having a "good day" everything gets ruined! Like I havent had an actual "good" day in...well, lets just say I cant remember my last "good day" something ALWAYS comes up.



I wont eat my spaghetti though. Im going to have a buffalo turkey and bleu cheese wrap instead.